The Porn Police

I am not the "policing" type. That's not to say that I have never been - I certainly wouldn't have been above "snooping" or checking up on a boyfriend while in, say, my early 20's. At almost 40, though, it's just not something that I want or have any urge to do. I don't want to check his phone. Or his computer. Or make him account for every penny he takes out of our bank accounts.

I have told Ricky that I have no desire to be his "porn police". I want him to stop the destructive behavior he's been participating in for so long - without a doubt. I want him to stop because he wants to, though - not because he's afraid I'll find out or that he'll get caught. My wish for him (for us) is that he be healthy, strong and courageous and that he take care of the heartache and dysfunction that is inside of him so that he no longer is tempted to give into the addiction.

I realize, though, that accountability is part of recovery from a sexual addiction. Ricky and I have decided on a few things together...

• He will bring home copies of hotel bills when staying out of town on business. Paying for pornographic movies while away from home was something he, without my knowledge, spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on over the past few years.
  
• I do not wish, at this time, to put any software on our family computers that blocks material. I have, however, put an accountability program on the laptop used in the kitchen.
  
• He has taken his work laptop to have the hard-drive re-formatted and has traded it in for a desktop which will, obviously, stay at work. (He was bringing his work laptop home and using it to view porn at night after I went to bed - he knew better than to use mine!) Online activities are a big part of our lives and I don't wish to deny him computer use at home entirely so he's volunteered to only use the computer (mentioned above) with the accountability prograrm on it when he needs to.
  

One day at a time...